Stop Arguing - You’re Wasting Your Breath
We are sisters
We try to change the unchangeable
We beg, plead, and bargain
We shout insults, threats, and ultimatums
We find better ways to communicate
We are sisters
Arguing, yelling, screaming… it goes round and round. He yells, you scream. She argues, you shout. It’s a never-ending battle of wills. You want things to be your way and so does your child. Everyone wants to be right, to hold all the power, to be victorious in this battle of sanity against irrationality.
Guess what? Nobody does or ever will win this crazy game.
You may think because you have a temporary victory that you’re the winner.
You may walk away in defeat and believe your mentally ill adult child (MIAC) won.
But you’re looking at things from the wrong perspective. It isn’t about right or wrong, win or lose.
The goal should be healthy communication.
That’s right, even if your child is mentally ill you can work towards functional dialog. For this to work, you need to remember:
Your child has a brain disorder.
Raised voices cause hurt feelings.
Overtalking leads to misunderstandings.
Insistence on your way creates pushback.
Agreeing to disagree is okay.
You can only control your side of the conversation (and your behavior).
Disrespect is not tolerated from either side.
Choose calm times to discuss sensitive topics.
It’s okay to walk away.
“Irrational and chaotic brains have a difficult time hearing and sorting through your words. Yelling just amplifies the noise in your child’s brain.”
Irrational and chaotic brains have a difficult time hearing and sorting through your words. Yelling just amplifies the noise in your child’s brain. If there is no chance of a rational conversation, save your breath. He won’t hear or remember what you’re saying.
When you want to get your opinion across, take a deep breath, slowly and calmly say your piece, and then walk away.
Make a promise to yourself to stop arguing. Things might not change, but you will know you did your best to communicate in a healthier way.
Just for today:
I will stop arguing.
I will remember my child has a thought disorder.
I will quit participating in unhealthy communication.
I will focus on my own health and well-being.